ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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