i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
