Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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