woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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