I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
