I just cut my nipple shaving
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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