I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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