I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
sex in a hospital.. check
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
