Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
