and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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