Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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