he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
