Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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