I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
