At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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