recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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