i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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