Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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