Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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