hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i out mim tonsoeep
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