you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize