Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
