I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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