i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Enjoy the penises
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
