Umm I'm too high to move.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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