she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
