nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
