Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
