When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
