So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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