Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so let's talk penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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