I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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