ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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