Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
