in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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