Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
