The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
