I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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