um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
