i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize