remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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