your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
