We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
