we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they're like a gay fantastic four
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize