I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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