i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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