i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
