i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
