every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
