I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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