Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
