wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
