Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
