So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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