Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
