just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
