He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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