My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She bit a glass in half.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
