I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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