I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
