My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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