JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
