last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i think my cat just said my name.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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