So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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