remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize