I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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