I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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