Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
