I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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