Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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