just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
