i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
