I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
