I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
