We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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