you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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