She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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