Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
