Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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