So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
