When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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