Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
