Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize