bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
