I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
